Euphemisms for leaks-From Architect Jody Brown's Blog

Please feel free to contribute to this post...
This is kind of the You Might Be a Redneck If...lists. Read on through, click to read the rest and fill in your own leak scenario...

I’ve been drawing waterproofing details all week, and it might be affecting me. So, I’ll let you in on a secret. There are certain things that Architects may say or do that are clear warning signs of future water infiltration problems. I think the kids are calling them “leaks” these days. If you happen to be reviewing the drawings with your Architect and you’re drifting off to sleep as he waxes and wanes and waves his arms around, try to perk up a little if you hear him say one of these things. These are just euphemisms for leaks. So, beware, and, begin the process of lining up expert witnesses.
 

 If your Architect has endeavored to dissolve the barrier between inside and out – you might have a leak

If your Architect has flooded the interior spaces with natural light – you might have a leak (yes, they will actually use the word “flooded”)

If your Architect has written a specification – you might have a leak. If your Architect has not written a specification – you might have a leak. If you Architect does not know what a specification is – you might have a leak.

If your Architect uses the term “innovative” – you might have a leak.

If your Architect drives a Porsche Cayman – you might have a leak (seriously, they might as well where a sandwich board sign that says “the end is near” on one side and “I can’t afford a 911” on the other.)

If your Architect has “streamlined the process” – you might have a leak.

If your Architect has designed the building to be “one with nature” – you might have a leak.

If your Architect has developed custom software to facilitate the design and fabrication of the elaborate titanium undulating forms representing the unrest of our current economic climate – you might have a leak (that’s right, I’m looking at you Frank Gehry)

If your Architect misspells the word “Bituminous” on his drawings – you might have a leak (actually, that’s not fair, no one can spell that)

READ ALL OF THE LEAK EUPHEMISMS BY CLICKING HERE

Funny Cartoon by Wiley-The Men Only Cemetery

I'll probably get sued for borrowing this but, pretty funny cartoon by Wiley...

Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller

• August 06, 2010
• From Beginning
• Previous feature
• Show Calendar

From The Onion-Stoner Architect Drafts All-Foyer Mansion

Ahh stoner architects, that would explain a lot of the screwed up jobs I've seen....here's a humorous piece from the Onion, those goof balls who spoof on everyone and everything...

MINNEAPOLIS–In the oft-overlooked field of stoner architecture, new talent often goes unnoticed. But that hasn't been the case for Minneapolis stoner architect Richard "Dick" Donovan, whose groundbreaking design for an all-foyer mansion is earning slack-jawed admiration from some of the most respected members of the Twin Cities stoner-architecture community.
Enlarge ImageThe blueprint for Richard Donovan's (inset) revolutionary all-foyer mansion.
Donovan had won moderate recognition for past work, including his subterranean ranch house and his roofless A-frame. The 27-year-old's latest design, however, has won him unprecedented acclaim, hailed in the August issue of Stoner Architectural Digest as "the most absolutely fucked-up shit to come along in years."
"I was sitting around, bullshitting with [longtime roommate and noted carburetor-parts lamp designer Mike] Mosedale one afternoon, trying to decide if we should hang the 1968 All-American Calendar–the hilarious one with Nixon on it–by the ping-pong table or in the foyer or what," Donovan said. "Then we got to talking about foyers, and how they're kind of weird, 'cause you don't ever actually do anything in them except, you know, use them to walk into the next room. Then, all of a sudden, I was like, 'Whoa. Imagine if, after the foyer, there was just a whole endless series of foyers.' Christ, what a mindfuck that'd be."

READ THE REST BY CLICKING HERE

In Focus: Chinese Factory Worker Can't Believe The Shit He Makes For Americans "-"

In Focus: Chinese Factory Worker Can't Believe The Shit He Makes For Americans -
nothing to do with decks, just a funny from THE ONION

Help wanted ad - Craigslist Posting in MD Seeks "Waterproofing Consultant" For $30 an Hour

I thought this craigslist posting from a developer seeking a "waterproofing consultant" was pretty funny...the guy wants to pay $30 an hour...wow oh wow oh wow...the line starts to the right to apply HAH!


washington, DC craigslist > maryland > jobs > architect/engineer/CAD jobs
please flag with care:

miscategorized
prohibited
spam/overpost
best of craigslist
Avoid scams and fraud by dealing locally! Beware any deal involving Western Union, Moneygram, wire transfer, cashier check, money order, shipping, escrow, or any promise of transaction protection/certification/guarantee. More info
Waterproofing Consultant - apartments
Date: 2009-11-29, 2:43PM EST
Reply to: job-d7cds-1486834816@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Developer is seeking a waterproofing consultant for 225 unit apartment project in Montgomery County, MD.

Applicant should have not less that 4 years experience in waterproofing of apartment buildings.

Please send:

- List of apartment projects that you have acted as waterproofing consultant on, and
- References and resume.


* Compensation: $30/hour
* This is a part-time job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.



PostingID: 1486834816

What a quack....Waterproofing company ordered to change name...

Here's a story on a waterproofing company that infringed on a hotel's name and their beloved ducks...yep, I said ducks

MEMPHIS, Tenn. (AP) — The Peabody Hotel's prized marching ducks have gained a federal court's help in protecting their professional image.

An order issued by Judge Bernice Donald directs a Louisville, Ky., company called Peabody Painting and Waterproofing Inc. to change its name and stop using images that look like the hotel's ducks in its logo. Read the rest of the story by clicking here...

The Onion's Video Spoof of Wildfire Season

While humorous, this spoof from the Onion on the wildfire problem in California does serve as a serious message...fire's aren't funny.

So have a little laugh and get your home the best building products you can that are fire resistant!

Call Bill Leys for the best fire resistant decking available, Dex-O-Tex, Desert Brand, Pli-dek and Mer-Kote....805-801-2380

No Need to Hire a Pro, These Pics Prove It!

Ahhh, humor...where would we be without a little humor on a Tuesday morning?

Especially a little black humor. These
pics came to me from Mike DeJong/Don Roberts down at All-Seasons Restoration, forwarded from an email to them...

MIRACLE DECK COATING? MFG claims in letter that "structural instability in framing can be corrected with one of their metal lath deck coating products

The Deck Expert has obtained a copy of a letter sent by Poly-Tuff, regarding decks that are/were experiencing cracking issues on them in LA County.

The decks are cracked and some are leaking now...

But apparently, according to the sales manager who wrote the letter, Poly-Tuff's Flexideck P-ML (Metal Lath system can correct "structural instablity in the framing."

What? Is this guy serious? Poly-Tuff's Flexideck system can correct structural instability? If that's the case buddy, you got yourself the miracle decking system that can right many wrongs with little effort or removal of unstable structural framing.

ack...OK, sorry, I fell on the floor laughing to hard....I think I know what he meant to say, but what it says is what it says...


A lesson in the subtleties of proper English usage?

Funny Cartoon

Well yes, I borrowed this from cartoonist Wiley Miller, creator of "Non Sequitur" a daily cartoon that pokes fun at our foibles...

Click our headline to leave a comment at Wiley's website...

THIS BIT OF HUMOR BROUGHT TO YOU COURTESY OF THE ONION....

Yes I copied and pasted the Onion's article over to here and then deliberately without malice changed the names they used in their article to use mine, Bill as a joke you know?, so click to their pages and keep 'the Onion happy about getting visitors. I thought this applied to decking since many are now made with concrete materials. Or maybe my sense of humor just differs from most, I don't know...enjoy!

Foreman Whips Up Special Batch Of Concrete Deck Coating For Favorite Customer

January 23, 2009 | Issue 45•04

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OMAHA, NE—Schultz Concrete Company foreman Al Grayson, 42, mixed up a home-made vat of his finest concrete deck coating blend Tuesday for Central Coast Waterproofing's Bill Leys, after inviting his favorite customer to "follow [him] 'round back for the good stuff." "Bill's been coming to me for years, and I know exactly how he likes it," said Grayson, adding that his special batch isn't the kind that lasts just long enough to satisfy the inspectors but then falls apart. "This is concrete deck coatings the way my grandfather made them, with just a touch of gypsum. There was only one bag left, so I tucked it away for my main man Bill." While Grayson refused to divulge his secret recipe, he did claim to use only organic cement, artesian well water, and "enough quartzite to make any deck sparkle."